Tag: Female Reproductive Health

  • Why didn’t the gynae look at my vagina? #Periodically 6

    Why didn’t the gynae look at my vagina? #Periodically 6

    There were a couple of requests after I ominously ended Periodically 2 with ‘a story for another day’ in reference to my visit to the gynaecologist. Well folks, today is that day! I have discussed certain aspects of those conversations in Periodically 4, but let’s get right into the nitty gritty, shall we?

    Oh wait, we can’t. Because I waited over three months for a gynaecology appointment for the gynae NOT TO LOOK AT MY VAGINA. I understand that my symptoms are mostly ‘deeper’ than the vagina but come on, what if it’s something obvious? Maybe I don’t have a vagina, or maybe it’s upside down? I don’t know, the only professional that ever looked was Dr H and she said ‘we all come in different shapes and sizes’. As true and profound as that is, it’s not what you really want to hear when a doctor is looking at your vagina for the first time… and let’s remember, that was said moments before ‘I can’t seem to find your cervix’.

    Tangent: I do question why in Europe and the USA gynaecology appointments are so standard for most people with female reproductive systems, and yet in the UK most people don’t see a gynaecologist until they’re pregnant. 

    Want to talk about another disappointment? I had an ultrasound and then didn’t let me see! The liberty! Considering asking to stay awake for the laparoscopy next month, just so I can ask ‘WELL?’

    Simply put, the gynaecologist just confirmed that all my symptoms sound like endometriosis, but that there was high chance that it could be ‘nothing’. Dr M went straight into filling out the consent form for a diagnostic laparoscopy (that he didn’t entirely explain to me, but thank you Google). The plan is that he will poke a couple of holes in me to assess the damage, if there is any he’ll fix what he can but if it’s anything more sinister I’ll be brought back round to discuss possibly treatments.

    It was a very underwhelming appointment after weeks and weeks of anticipation, but all jokes aside, I’m just glad I was seen (progress!) and that it was free. Thank you NHS, you wonderful, wonderful thing. #SaveOurNHS

    It was a waste of a shower though. OK, I’ll stop.

  • Conversations with others that shouldn’t have happened #Periodically 5

    Conversations with others that shouldn’t have happened #Periodically 5

    In my last blog, I talked about conversations with my doctors that I’m not convinced were fair. Today, I want to talk about conversations I’ve had with my nearest and dearest. They are an incredibly supportive bunch, but a few things that have been said to me over the last year really demonstrate how entrenched our dismissal of female reproductive issues, particularly for those not trying to conceive, are in our day-to-day lives and the language we use.

    “Sex isn’t meant to be good all the time, Hilary”

    Why the hell not? A friend of mine is determined that the two of us ought to champion the cause of making good sex a human right. Anyone, anywhere in the world should have the opportunity to practice safe, legal and consensual sex and for it to be good, if you ask me. Besides if it’s not meant to be good, why do it? And don’t say reproduction, while it is obviously a factor there is clearly a whole lot more to sex that the desire to produce offspring alone.

    “Have you tried not having sex?”

    Not. The. Point. Sex is important, I know it’s not everything, but it is important.

    “Shut up, everyone’s periods hurt”

    If we can put humans on the moon, harvest energy from the sun and transplant organs, why the hell can’t we find a practical treatment for period pain? For most people who have periods the pain is either manageable or easily calmed with painkillers, but we can’t keep ignoring those whose pain is interrupting their daily lives.

    “Have you tried anal?”

    Ah, the question that I’ve been asked the most and that makes me laugh more than any of the others. While I’m sure it’s a viable option, for me, it’s not the point. Symptoms like those I’ve been experiencing are red flags that my fertility is a little compromised, and even though I have no desire to start popping out sprogs any time soon, I’d like know what’s coming and whether or not I can fully restore my uterine health. Plus, my trend of constipation after sex leads me to think that anal sex might not be any more comfortable for me than vaginal…

    I have a few more of these, let me know if you want to hear them! 

  • Conversations with doctors that shouldn’t have happened #Periodically 4

    Conversations with doctors that shouldn’t have happened #Periodically 4

    I have been very lucky with the doctor who’s been helping me sort my uterus out in Swansea, and it’s a little daunting that whatever happens now I’m going to have to figure it all out without Dr H now I’m back in Essex. Regardless, there are a couple of conversations that have happened with both Dr H, my GP, and Dr M, my gynaecologist, that I’m not sure are entirely fair. Disclaimer: I will be paraphrasing for comedic effect here, unless you want my full um-ing and ah-ing while I tried not to rage cry at them…

    A lot of the reasons I feel the conversations are inappropriate is because I don’t think they would have happened at all if I was a man. If I was a man enduring horrible pain during sex, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be told to ‘keep trying other positions,’ ‘take ibuprofen before sex’ or pump my body full of hormones that also directly impact my sex drive. The truth is there would likely be a solution, simply because while men were figuring out how to fix their penises, for a long time research into female sexuality was often limited to hysteria, ‘wandering womb’ and childbirth. That said, the uterverse is a lot more complicated that the male reproductive system and so our understanding of it was always going to take a bit longer.

     

    “Yes, but if it didn’t hurt on the pill, then you should go back on”

    I’ve had a troublesome past with the contraceptive pill, both the combined and mini. So when Dr M asked ‘did sex hurt when you were on the pill’ and I said no, he said, ‘ah well there’s the solution then’. I calmly pointed out that things also weren’t bad before I was on the pill. The plan he was suggesting sounded to me like a mask solution, and that any serious problems I was dealing with would return if I ever came off the pill to, say, reproduce. I would prefer to deal with this situation now, rather than ten years down the road when it’s too late to be a surrogate for my sister because of a defunct uterus.

    “What would you say if all I can offer you is either no libido or painful sex?”

    The mini pill destroyed my sex drive. Physically and psychologically there was no ‘desire’ (read moisture) for sex. So when Dr M put this ultimatum before me I was a bit lost for words. Are these really the only options I have? Not wanting to have sex but possibly being able to, or wanting to have sex but not being able to? Pretty slim pickings if you ask me. It makes one ask, when will female sexual pleasure begin to be as important as male sexual pleasure?

    Me: “I actually ended a relationship because of this” Dr H: “OMG well we’ll expedite your appointment then”

    After several months of waiting for a gynae appointment and with things getting progressively worse, I visited Dr H and explained. She said there was nothing she could do until I’d seen the gynae. She asked how I was doing otherwise and I mentioned how honestly ‘it was making life a bit shit’. I subtly mentioned that I had ended a relationship because of it and suddenly, as if this was a new sign of the severity of my situation, she was able to write a letter and expedite my appointment, as well as book me in for an ultrasound. I received my gynae letter two days later and had a scan within a fortnight. Call me picky, but I kind of wanted my doctors help for me and my body, not for my love life.