Tag: UK

  • History in Context: From hating history to, well what exactly?

    History in Context: From hating history to, well what exactly?

    I despised history lessons when I was at school. For the most part, it was limited to British history and I was more interested in the rest of the world. For the other part, I took the attitude ‘why are we focussing on the past?’ or, as the SSX Tricky character would yell, ‘the past is gone, now is all there is!’ Of course every right minded person, usually my dad, would fire back with ‘you have to learn about the past to stop us from making the same mistakes’. From where I was sitting, however, humankind kept making even worse mistakes than those I learnt about in history class, so it couldn’t be that effective. Tired of this age-old philosophical argument, I instead just decided to adopt the easier excuse; that I thought history was boring (of course that only pissed off people (my dad) tenfold).

    The moment I didn’t have to study history I stopped, or at least, I thought I had. In fact I found I got sort of a thrill out of how irritated saying I ‘hated’ history made people. While I was done with history, history it seemed, was not done with me.

    I remember the moment, in A Level English where my teacher Miss O’Neil, started talking about how the character of Serena Joy in Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale was based on a real woman, Phyllis Schlafly, from the age of Thatcher and Reagan. ‘It’s context like this that will really push your grade up in your coursework’. I remember thinking, ‘cool, what is this mysterious context business?’ like it was a new found entity. I plodded my way through A Level revelling in the moments where I got to bring in context or even ‘cultural context’ to explain why a novel was written a certain way, or the parallels that could be drawn between the book and the ‘real world’.

    Then I got to university and something truly horrible happened. In our first and only compulsory module (that didn’t go well for me for other reasons) Monsters and Transformations, the slide show in the introductory lecture paired the words ‘history’ and ‘context’ together. Historical context? What is that supposed to mean? As the module progressed I began to become more and more suspicious that historical context might actually be the same damn thing as context. You can imagine my horror, in learning that one of my favourite parts about my chosen subject was actually rooted, in its entirety, in my least favourite subject.

    Eventually I accepted it. In fact, I started to really enjoy it. I even opted in for French modules our lecturers called ‘cultural modules,’ that I now realise were often European and French history classes. When my sister finally agreed to read Harry Potter last year she said it was under the condition I read something with history in it, and gave me Captain Corelli’s Mandolin. Did I still think history was boring? Did I really never read historical novels, I asked?

    I loved The Handmaid’s Tale and that was packed full of historical context, as was Nineteen Eighty-Four which I studied alongside it. The same was true with The Scarlett Letter and King Lear. Even biblical books like Impossible Saints drew me in (questionable re: history, though) and hell, my dissertation was packed full of context of the 1960s and 70s, if that counts as historical yet. OK so maybe I like historical novels, but not ones about war? Nope that wasn’t it. Milan Kundera’s The Unbearable Lightness of Being led me to read Anna Karenina, which set me on a path to War and Peace and The Kossacks. To my horror, I’d become a Tolstoy fan, which meant that war clearly wasn’t the problem. In these French cultural modules we studied art, literature and film in context, meaning we would explore cultural artefacts from one specific period or place, and I loved it. When Les Misérables was made into a film, I loved that even more and read A Tale of Two Cities (even though I would quickly learn that it was about a different French Revolution).

    Last month I finally read Captain Corelli’s Mandolin, and surprise to no one, I really enjoyed it (except the ending, don’t get me started). The entire time I was reading though it I was thinking, am I over my hatred of history? Last month I went to the Imperial War museum, it was certainly heavy in content but boring it was not. I’ve been to Anne Frank’s house, I wasn’t bored, insensitive or uninterested. If I went back to school now to study history, would I still be distraught with boredom?

    Honestly? Yes. Sitting down and learning about history is not how my brain processes the past. I need history in context. Learning about the past for past’s sake doesn’t fire me up, I need human stories to realise it. The worst parts of history don’t hit home until you understand the impact they had on someone’s life. Take Captain Corelli for example, before I read it I had no idea of Italy, Greece or the Ionian Islands’ involvement in World War II. The novel only gives you four or five perspectives and of course there are so many more, but really understanding how transformative one event can be on one person’s life, gives you a crazy amount of perspective when you zoom out and think about how many different lives were effected by the same event. Even the best events from history, like the sexual revolution, they’re no good without the personal stories. When I’m reading a novel with a real context, I find myself googling and reading simultaneously, and for some years now, that’s how I’ve learnt to enjoy learning about history.

    Last week I had the extraordinary opportunity to hear Margaret Atwood speak at New Scientist Live. Known for her science and speculative fiction, often set in dystopian futures, I always associated her work with the future. She talked about how she couldn’t have predicted how relevant her novels would have become, given the election of Trump and its effects of reproductive rights and the environment. Talking about how his election ‘framed’ the Hulu adaptation of The Handmaid’s Tale, Atwood said how if Hillary Clinton had been elected the show would have been the same but it would have been viewed differently. “Even if you’re writing a historical novel, you’re still writing about now,” she said. This was after I’d written this blog but I had to come back and add that quote in. I think it would be equally true to say “even if you’re reading a historical novel, you’re still reading about now”.

    That’s what I’ve learnt from historical novels. History is relevant and interesting and not boring because it’s always, however subtly, applicable to the current world. So if you ever hear a kid saying they don’t like history, I strongly recommend giving them a good book. Because any good book tells a story about a place, a people and a time and historical context is just part of that. (Hey that’s sounds like Christian in Moulin Rouge, another example of history sneaking into my world without me knowing).

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    Thank you Margaret Atwood, for putting this blog in context
  • An attempt at not forgetting 17 years of French

    An attempt at not forgetting 17 years of French

    It has been three months since I finished my degree! What! While I’ve always been good at keeping up with the literature side of my degree, the French side can be a little harder to slot into everyday life (without moving to France that is, believe me – I’m trying). I was reading at least one French novel a month up until June, but since then things have been a bit crazy and my English To Be Read pile has been much larger than my French TBRs.

    It hit me today, scrolling through Twitter. There was a Tweet by French President Emmanuel Macron that I read and processed and then I continued to scroll. Wait, I just read and understood a tweet in another language. I never want to forget how cool that is. To learn a language is to open up a whole other world of people you can communicate with. It has also been a huge amount of hard work to get my French to where it is today, but ‘today’ is also the first time in seventeen years that I haven’t been studying French academically.

    I remember going to a Franglish Language exchange in Lyon and meeting a middle aged man who told me he was there because he had a degree in English, a language he hadn’t spoken since he was studying it. He was now applying for a job where he needed English and he suddenly realised he had forgotten almost everything he knew about the language.

    I do not want to find myself in his shoes in twenty years time. In fact I outright refuse. So here’s what I propose to do to stop myself forgetting French:

    Read, read, read

    One French novel a month. It’s only recently I stopped doing this but it’s time to revive the habit. It is not nearly as laborious as it once was, in fact it’s a pleasure. One that I take for granted. I have a few French reading goals to, but they’re all pretty long winded so they might take a while:

    • Les Misérables (Parts 1 – 4)
    • Some Proust
    • Harry Potter en français 

    News, news, l’actus

    I’m going to take a revision exercise and try and make it a daily, if not weekly, habit. Translating the headlines of French news websites into English and English headlines into French – and of course reading the French articles. Asides from the language benefits you get from this, reading a different perspective on English news is always a bonus. Particularly when I connect much more with European coverage of Brexit than British coverage.

    On y va!

    I need to get to France. As much as is realistically possible. This one is a little harder because of money, but I just need to scrape up some pennies and go on a weekend break. The best way to improve my French is (shock) to speak French with French people. In fact I’m just going to set myself the goal of returning to Lyon for this year’s Fête des Lumières, since it was partially cancelled when I was living there. OK that was easy… now for finding some money…

  • Articulating Pain #Periodically 11

    Articulating Pain #Periodically 11

    I think I have always been quite a moany person. When I was little I would moan about going to summer camp or after school club. As I got older I moaned about maths and music lessons. Then I started moaning about redundant news stories in prime time spots, the patriarchy and inequality, Brexit, tuition fees. Last week I was moaning about how annoying people were for moaning about Big Ben going quiet.

    I’ve also, from time to time, moaned about pain. I remember following my mum around the supermarket when I was eleven or so, complaining about a dull achey back ache. I moaned about the same pain when I started my period a few years later. I moaned about it even more when I started working at pizza delivery chains and the pain would present itself after an hour or so of a five hour standing shift.

    I have a family full of aches and pains. Moaning about back ache or knee pain is pretty normal business for us. Remarkably, given I have two older sisters, moaning about period pain wasn’t much of a thing in our house (until I hit puberty, that is). I remember texting my mum under the desk in French class the day after I started my period saying ‘I think I have period pain’ and she said ‘try to move around’. An answer I found very unhelpful at the beginning of double French.

    My friends say I moaned about my periods at sixth form. I can’t say I remember that – but it does sound like me. When I started university I was having monthly periods for the first time because of the pill, and that definitely made me more aware of my periods and the pain that accompanied them. I remember paracetamol, hot water bottles and bean bags becoming monthly essentials.

    Then of course I stopped having periods. I won’t go into that again. For the ‘fun’ of that adventure read A Tale of Two Pills.

    Fast forward a year and a half and I’m in Clermont-Ferrand, France. I’ve been off of the pill for three weeks and my boobs suddenly hurt. I moan about it and my parents and, quite rightly, tell me they don’t care. A week later I have my menarche 2.0. A week of tender breasts before my period starts is now a thing. It was never a thing before I was on the pill.

    This very second, I am using Clue and my old diaries to trace when exactly the pain got noteworthy. I had three periods that seemingly passed as nonevents and then we get to January 2015. After a 63 days cycle my period promptly started in a crêperie in Lyon three hours after a friend from home had arrived to visit. Two days later, I got up and began my long commute into the Rhône-Alps countryside and started to feel sick from some sort of new period pain. When I arrived at work I taught one class and then vomited in the toilet before going home – I never take sick days. Actually I’ll just quote my diary here, I think 2016 Hilary was quite eloquent about it:

    ‘I’m finally having a period but once I got to school I felt so faint and sick and there was basically blood pouring out of me. It was horrible. Very strange day, David Bowie died.’

    My next period, seven weeks later, appears in my diary as a divine event. It is the day I wrote a certain blood/vagina quote as discussed in Blood, Books and Vagina. I also wrote:

    ‘The more I learn about vaginas, periods, childbirth and motherhood the more my curiosity grows.’ 

    I was clearly on some sort of (hormone induced?) vagina trip. Though if you’ve read Blood, Books and Vagina you’ll know I had just read Naomi Wolf’s Vagina: A New Biography. 

    Right, so now we’re in March 2016. Once again I’ll leave it to past me (and Shania Twain, apparently):

    ‘Man, I feel like woman! Yesterday, for the first time in my life, I came on my period 28 days after my last period! Everything about this period is different but familiar… Today I feel like total shit and I cannot stop eating, but I know why and for the first time in three years I feel like me and my body are on the same page, yipee!’

    Oh young, naive girl. I don’t know where I got the idea that this was the dawn of a new age because this next cycle would go on to be 44 days, and the following would be 47. What is consistent on my Clue though, is the increase in cramps and ovulation pain. Around this time paracetamol stopped hacking it and I moved onto ibuprofen. Like sore boobs, ovulation pain was not something I experienced before I went on the pill. I have, until now, categorised it as sharp, often breathtaking pain, towards one side below my belly button, usually the right side.

    Once I started having sex again, the occurrence of these pains was no longer limited to where I was in my cycle. Suddenly I was having ovulation pain and period cramps three out of four weeks of a cycle, and recently four out of four (or five out of five). This includes weeks and months where I deliberately stop having sex, the pain continues regardless of my sex life, but is definitely worse when it’s active.

    Yet, it now seems that those pains are not ‘period cramps’ or ‘ovulation pain’. After last week’s ruling that whatever is causing my pain it is not gynaecological, I am stumped for how exactly I now talk about my pain. One option is to shut up and not say anything, quit a lifetime habit of moaning and leave my friends and family in peace. One thing that I’m learning to be really difficult about pain, especially chronic pain disorders, which it now seems is a group I may belong to, is that if you don’t say anything nothing happens. The only way anyone is going to know something is wrong is if you say something aloud.

    There is nothing, bar a heavy period and a bit of bloating, that projects my pain into the physical world. Which means everyone is going to think you’re fine unless you moan, but if you moan all the time then it’s fucking annoying for everyone. But how else do you express that you’re unwell? I need a metaphysical censor above my head. It’s a concept I find really tricky to get my head around.

    Now though, the language I have been using to express that pain is redundant and incorrect. I have focussed so much on my pain-cycle connection that it is incredibly difficult to disassociate my pain from my menstrual cycle. However, the raving pedantic within me can’t get on board with using now incorrect terms. I daren’t start saying ‘ow my bladder hurts’ because in a year’s time we’ll have probably moved onto my bowel or something else. It does of course all come under the category of pelvic pain but there’s something very clinical about ‘ow my pelvic area hurts’.

    I need to find a new language for articulating this pain – any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. So far all I have is Twilight Saga’s Jane blank staring while whispering ‘pain’.

    pain

    In the meantime, I might channel 2016 diary Hilary’s bizzaro way of articulating pain – with utter nonsense and writing a novel…

    Update: since I wrote this my sister showed me this picture. Could this be the language I’ve been needing to moan about my pain?! dementors

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