Tag: Hormonal Birth Control

  • New hope: I got a coil #Periodically 34

    New hope: I got a coil #Periodically 34

    See, I told you I wasn’t abandoning the #Periodically blogs for Pleasure Moans. I’m back here because despite the pill, the endometriosis diagnosis and pelvic physio my pain is still interrupting my daily life and even recently made me pass out while watching a performance of Henry IV Part One, so I desperately need a more long-term, semi-permanent solution, or at least an attempt at a solution, that doesn’t immediately involve more surgery. So, I’ve had a Mirena coil/IUS installed in my uterus.

    Image result for mirena coil gif

    I’ve spent a lot of time on the #Periodically blogs discussing my complicated feelings towards hormonal contraception – the broader culture of those discussions is actually the subject of my masters dissertation. Even though the process from second surgery to coil insertion was pretty quick (about three months), it was not a decision I took lightly. Yet my feelings remain much the same as when I wrote about going back on the pill, in that I am deliberately trying to mess with my cycle to improve my pain.

    Anyway. Before the surgery I was already coming around to the idea of having a Mirena coil fitted in the event that endometriosis was found. A Mirena coil is an intrauterine system (IUS) that sits at the bottom of the womb – it has two strings that pass through the cervix so you can check it is still in place. Mirena releases an artificial progesterone, Levonorgestrel, to thicken cervical mucus to slow sperm down, to (sometimes) stop ovulation and most importantly for me, it thins the lining of the womb. It lasts for five years. It’s used to help people with endometriosis because by thinning the lining of the womb, and potentially stopping periods altogether, it stops those patches of missed-placed endometrium-like tissue from building up and causing trouble. It’s not a cure, but the hope is that by stopping my periods for a few years then it might turn endo off for a little while too.

    This is a big deal for me. I’ve spoken in great detail about how, despite everything, I’m actually quite fond of periods, but I’ve weighed all the pros and cons and the Mirena coil still seemed like the best idea for now (plus let’s be honest, my body probably won’t actually do as it’s told and stop bleeding). My gynaecologist told me to expect six months of sporadic bleeding and pain, but a six month blip of increased pain for potentially four and a half years of relief seems like a reasonable (hmm) trade off. Both my gynae and my GP encouraged me to stay on the pill for the first two months of the coil to try and make the transition a bit smoother. I was pretty resistant to this idea, not wanting to make my skin or mood any worse by increasing my progesterone dosage, but after talking to people who did so successfully I’ve followed their advice.

    Once I made the decision, however, I had to acknowledge the fact that fitting it was not going to be easy. Ideally it would have been fitted while I was under for the laparoscopy in April, but because my surgeon was so convinced it wasn’t going to be endo he didn’t do the consent form for it. When I saw him for my post-op he thought it possible I might have to be put unconscious in order to fit it. I desperately wanted to avoid another general anaesthetic so soon after the last, but evidently a pelvic floor dysfunction that makes any kind of vaginal penetration incredibly painful and/or impossible, meant it was on the cards.

    The doctor in charge of IUS insertion at my local surgery was a new doctor to me, which made me a little wary but thankfully she was lovely. I explained my experience with painful (and frankly unsuccessful) pelvic examinations and sex and my motivations for getting a coil in the first place. She was super understanding and came up with an action plan: I would take some diazepam an hour before the insertion to try and relax my pelvic floor. If my body was still uncooperative she would not force the issue. I was to take the day off and have someone accompany me to and from the appointment.

    Well, as the beginning of this blog gives away, the coil was fitted but it was twice as complicated and a hell of a lot more painful that I expected it to be. The doctor decided to use an anaesthetic gel, but that didn’t seem to provide much relief. Both she and the nurse were really supportive throughout but honestly it was a little traumatic. Even though it all happened quickly, we had to try various different tactics, positions and speculums. I wish I could say it was fine and just a little uncomfortable but it was a 10/10 for pain, which felt something akin to my cervix being stapled. It seemed like I might vomit and/or pass out and so I was given some water and told to take my time. Thankfully this pain didn’t last long but it was immediately replaced by hot, heavy cramping. Excellent!

    A man clearly made up the post-coil insertion rules because while tampons were off the cards, sex was not, apparently. The doctor advised me to use condoms for a week, at which point I reminded her of what had just happened and why – sex is not on my radar at the moment.

    It’s been about 10 days since the insertion and the pain is still very intense. Weirdly, it’s mostly been awful period cramps all morning every morning, resulting in copious amounts of ibuprofen and co-codamol and many hot water bottles, but in the afternoon it settles and I’m more-or-less OK. The last few days have also involved some excruciating vaginal pain, so that’s new. I have hardly bled since, but I’m expecting that to hit when I come off the pill in a few weeks. As much as I’m hoping the transition period might be shorter than six months, I’m not holding my breath.

    I am excited though. Mostly at the prospect of long-term relief in the future but also at the possibility that coming off the pill might mean my acne improves. The hormones in the Mirena are localised to the pelvic area, meaning there’s a chance it won’t affect my skin in the same way a systemic approach like the pill does. I’m trying not to get my hopes up about this silver lining but honestly when I think about it I squeal with excitement.

    Since it was so painful I didn’t want to throw yet another horror story out into the world, but a few people have asked for details so there we go. I think the fact I had it fitted during a particularly lengthy flare-up was both a blessing and curse. Already being in pain meant I was motivated for relief and so I didn’t chicken out but it also means I haven’t had a break from pain in weeks which is exhausting and definitely messes with your head. Nevertheless, I’m trying to keep in mind something I wrote in my diary a few hours after it was inserted, especially as my birthday approaches. I wrote, ‘with the coil comes new hope. Hope that 24 will see me make up for time lost at 22 and 23’. It’s a bit Star Wars but still, I’ll drink to that.

  • The pill & my face #Periodically 31

    The pill & my face #Periodically 31

    Here’s a blog I didn’t want to write but that’s been itching to get out for a couple of months. It’s about a problem I didn’t realise the extent of until the worst had passed, so keep in mind that this story has a slightly happier ending than most of my blogs!

    A Skin Thing

    I have never had particularly ‘good’ skin — that is to say since puberty I have always had some acne. But it was completely synced to my menstrual cycle and, while annoying, it was totally manageable. The only time it got a little out of hand was around exam periods, which was always perfect considering exams are nearly always rounded off with a prom or a summer ball. But that was as bad as it got. When I was on the pill in the past I noticed changes but never anything drastic, other than that it was much better when I finally came off all hormonal birth control in 2015, by which point I was 20 and thought maybe I was just beginning to grow out of it.

    When I went back on the combined pill in February of this year I was prepared for a little skin turbulence. I knew that while things were settling it was likely to get worse, but I also knew that the general rule preached by my doctors and countless anecdotal stories was that my acne was likely to improve on the pill. At the time, it felt like the only silver lining of selling my pill-free self to the hormone gods.

    What I didn’t expect was that when things did eventually settle on the pill that my face would be taken hostage by what my doctors were by now calling “adult acne.” Oh good, not only am I spotty but I’m also out of the designated spotty age bracket!

    skin3

    The irony is that I took the “before” shot thinking “my skin is going to get so much better!” A classic case of you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone… 

    My GP immediately said, “that’s unusual, it usually gets better,” and my gynae said, “that shouldn’t happen.” We literally watched my face get worse and worse the longer I took the pill — it was like an accumulative allergic reaction. This was the only visual sign I had of my “improving” health, which didn’t make things feel all that improved — shocker! “If it’s not supposed to do this then surely it’s a sign that there is some kind of hormonal imbalance in my body?” I asked my doctors. They both agreed but said there was no point investigating it because “we know so little about hormones that even if an endocrinologist did spot an anomaly we wouldn’t know what to do with that data.” Which, while completely true, didn’t make me feel much better.

    Remember how a few months ago I said, “it’s a bummer but acne is something I am well-used to dealing with, and I’ll take it over pain any day“? I don’t necessarily take that back, but when your pain hardly improves and your acne just descends into total chaos it’s hard to take it on the chin (very literally). To add insult to injury, the blistering hot summer we just had meant that 30 million freckles also descended on my face (regardless of how much SPF I put on). I just felt and looked like a bit of a mess. No wonder I started taking Bookstagram so seriously, I was hardly likely to be posting summer selfies. In fact, I now realise that I was cutting my face out of Bookstagrams to hide the acne, case and point:

     

    (Remember kids, Instagram is a web of lies!)

    Funnily enough, this did not help my mood, which was already being tormented by raging mood swings and rampant PMS. I’m pretty good at hiding acne with makeup but it was so painful that I didn’t want to touch it. I like to think of myself as pretty skin-positive (I love everything Em Ford does for the movement!) but I really avoided leaving the house or wearing makeup unless I absolutely had to. Dyspareunia and vaginismus aren’t exactly conditions that make one feel particularly sexy, throw some angry acne into the mix and it understandable results in a slight crisis of confidence.

    However, I’m not beating myself up about that too much. I did eventually think, “stuff it, I don’t have to look at my face when I’m out, that’s the rest of the world’s problem.” But it’s not great when you do finally leave the house, spots-and-all, and are then bombarded with well-meaning people telling you to “drink more water” or “try this horrifically expensive product.” And when you dare say that you chug water by the gallon or that you can’t afford this particular product then somehow it becomes your own fault — you’re not trying hard enough and therefore you want your skin to be bad… Um, sod off?

    There’s no doubt in my mind that there are dietary changes and some products that genuinely help some kinds of acne. Hell, I’ve tried lots of them, but given how quickly and aggressively this came on it felt so obvious to me, and my doctors, that it was hormonal. Personally, changes to my diet have never made a difference to my skin, but I think acne is nearly always a case-by-case, individual issue and unsolicited advice about it, for me at least, is always unwanted.

    A little bit of this and a little bit of that…

    As promised this story has a happy-ish ending. My GP and gynae both suggested that the pill was more likely to reduce my pain if I skipped periods. This meant I would take two or three pill packets back-to-back without a withdrawal bleed. When I eventually gave it a try my mood improved in a matter of days and everything else followed. I had no idea it would make such a big difference but it really did. Around this time I also started using prescribed Adapalene gel and taking Evening Primrose Oil. Whether it’s one of these treatments or a combination of all three, the last two+ months have seen a drastic improvement in my acne, mood and (fanfare please) pain! (Typically, three days after I penned this blog things got a little worse again, but overall things are definitely better!)

    skin7

    What now?

    It’s getting better as the scarring goes down and the further away I am from my last withdrawal bleed the better my skin is, but considering going on the pill was a last-resort solution for my pain, this skin journey doesn’t exactly feel like a triumph. The last few months have mostly been about treating problems that the pill caused. As mentioned, I have finally noticed an improvement in my pelvic pain but I would be lying if I said I don’t worry about what happens to that progress if and when I have sex or come off the pill. Long-term readers won’t be surprised to hear that staying on the pill for the rest of my ‘reproductive life’ isn’t my plan of choice.

    Why didn’t I want to write this blog? Because I didn’t want to start moaning about something else. So many of my friends have struggled with their skin for years, dealing with Roaccutane and its complications. Eight months of bad skin hardly feels worth complaining about in that respect. But I had no idea that the pill could have this effect — so that’s something I’m keen to share and leaving it out of these blogs felt a little dishonest.

    Love the skin you’re in, unless it bloody well hurts, in which case: seek medical intervention… Thanks for reading! 

  • Peaks and Falls #Periodically 22

    Peaks and Falls #Periodically 22

    You might have noticed in my last #Periodically that I wasn’t feeling too hot about my time on the pill so far. I’m happy to report that things are going much better, but this second pill pack hasn’t been without its fiascos. Before anyone gets scared, don’t worry, I do not plan on documenting every pill pack ever, cycle by cycle, but during the adjustment phase and partly for personal record, I want to document the changes I experience during the first three months.

    The Second Pill Pack

    I won’t lie, the start of this cycle and my first withdrawal bleed on the pill didn’t catch me at my most mentally stable. For moments, and I mean brief seconds, I repeatedly convinced myself that I was about to drop dead, which I’m sure you can appreciate, isn’t very nice. My PMS is undeniably worse on the pill and unusually for me this bout extended well into my period.

    After early signs suggesting the pill was going to improve my skin, this cycle proved that that is not the case, it has in fact got worse. It’s a bummer but acne is something I am well-used to dealing with, and I’ll take it over pain any day. A more positive facial change (this one feels like TMI but hey, sharing is caring) is that my “beard” has vanished without a trace. I say beard and mean like four hairs but it was one of the reasons my doctors suspected I had PCOS way back when. Now that it’s gone, I can only deduce that whatever was causing it was hormonal.

    My period itself was exactly the same except it was two days shorter. I guess that’s nice but it was the two good days at the end that were cut off so if we could switch the off-days around that’d be ace. As my period ended and I began to think about starting the next pack, I was overwhelmed with a feeling of normality that I was certain was because I had been off the pill for six days. I even began to get my writing groove back, so taking the pill again felt like I was poisoning myself. But I did, and once I started I wrote in my diary “feeling slightly better about the pill but not actually any better – confusing feeling” – I’ll say!

    So a few things, like my face, began to settle into new normal realities on the pill. My weight is up and my hair is being weird but my motivation and creativity didn’t slump like it did last month which I am so grateful for. In fact writing-wise, March has been a bit of a boom. I’ve started reviewing plays for AYoungerTheatre.com and I had an amazing response to the article about the Always Period Poverty campaign I wrote for Harpy. You can read it here. I’ve even had a couple of moments where I’ve tracked “euphoria” and “clarity” on Clue – there were a few days and mornings where I just felt really damn good for inexplicable reasons.

    anne hathaway fun GIF-source.gif

    On reflection, these peaks might have been because the mood swings began. Maybe I missed that phase of puberty but I do not remember my mood ever swinging so literally. My sister was staying with us and wanted to have a bath and mentioned that she had scuffed-up my book (The Cows, come on Sally!) and I just flipped. I was sitting in a different room but my blood felt like molten lava and I wanted to hit something. Five minutes later I wanted to cry and another quarter of an hour later I was laughing at something and then it all happened again. I’ve always had grumpy days and sad days and happy days, but to swing so violently from mood to mood is new for me. When it finally settles I’m just left sitting on my bed like I’ve been bitten by a magical creature going “what’s happening to me?!” I was hoping this was just a phase too but they’re still rearing their heads regularly, so that’s a thing I’m trying to navigate.

    By this point I had finished three months on iron tablets and had a blood test to see if my anaemia was gone now. When I called to get the results, expecting the all-clear, I was told I needed to see my GP. “Piss it, what now?,” I thought. Disturbed by the mood swings, thoughts of spontaneous death and occasional “growing” pains in my legs I was looking forward to speaking to a doctor the next day. But then when I woke up, I couldn’t move. It was so bad that the first thing I remember thinking was “is today the day my ovary finally takes me to hospital?” Something in my right side had been bothering me all week, but on this particular morning it was stabbing me every time I so much as wiggled a toe. I called the doctor as planned and got an appointment with yet another new doc, this time a female Dr P. When I got there she told me that my iron levels were fine (yay no more horrible iron tablets!) but that she was worried by how much pain I was in. Given that it was my right side it was important to rule out appendicitis, which she did swiftly since I didn’t have a temperature. After she felt my belly up and read my file, she expressed concern that either a cyst on my ovary or the ovary itself, had “torted” – twisted.

    Not greatly comforted by that prognosis I sat while Dr P called the hospital and arranged for me to go straight to Gynaecology Emergency Unit (GEU). As my dad drove me I had a look through the files she had sent me with and took pictures of them – for the first time I was actually made privy to the inner goings on of my body and my doctors’ conversations – a rare treat. We got to the understandably rather scary and sad place that is the GEU and I was seen by a nurse who took my vitals, a gynaecologist who did a pelvic exam and another nurse who did some tests. Typically, by now whatever the pain was it had peaked and eased off and the gynae reasonably came to the conclusion that I was not at any great risk of emergency. The pelvic exam hurt, but not as much as it would have if a cyst or ovary had been twisted. She sent me home with an obscene amount of co-codamol and an appointment for an ultrasound in a few days.

    By the time the scan arrived I was feeling a lot better, without any help for the co-codamol which I didn’t take. I was relieved to be having the scan though because I was going skiing at the end of the week and was growing increasingly worried that if I fell over I was going to burst a cyst. Before I went to the scan I wrote my expectations on a post-it to make the inevitable easier to process. The post-it says “there will not be anything there. Good and healthy. Looks normal. No change”. I was right. The sonographer was really helpful and speculated that it was possible the sudden increase and then complete drop in pain I’d experienced was caused by a cyst rupturing or going away. The gynaecologist I then saw in the GEU afterwards was not as supportive or helpful. As far as she was aware, and I understand she had very little to go on, there were no cysts or any other indicator of a gynaecological problem, and so there was nothing a gynaecologist could do. I think the fact I still have an open case with my regular gynae made her words easier to swallow because even though she was saying ‘”nil gynae” case closed’, I knew the case was far from closed. I was once again told “that’s life,” “we rarely get to the root of these problems” and “try your bowels” – just like after the surgery. It was all horribly familiar but I took it much better this time. My mum was irritated by it too and fought it more than I did – thanks mum!

    Anyway, I was happy to have confirmation of a cyst-free uterus for the beginning of our mini ski break. I was nervous about it (as were insurance companies who took more money than normal, ugh) because about a year ago I stopped running as it was aggravating my pain. Since I refuse to pay to exercise when running is free, this has meant I’ve done nothing more than hiking and walking in the last ten months. If a cyst didn’t interrupt our ski trip, a heart attack might… I am so happy to say that three days of skiing were accompanied by absolutely no uterine or fitness induced pain – all injuries were purely skiing and ski-boot related!

    When I returned home an amalgamation of PMS, sciatica and post-holiday blues left me feeling pretty glum. Yet when I look back on March and the second round of the pill, I actually feel really hopeful. I’m working on the basis that I’m cyst-free for now because the pill is working. My pain levels haven’t come down drastically but there is a small improvement, and I’m confident it’s going to get even better. Now that I know I can ski I’m also filled with the hope that I can start running again soon, or doing something at least, because the pill/croissant combo has done nothing for me on the scales… Plus, if it does all get better on the pill then it will prove that the cause is gynaecological –  that would be a really satisfying up-yours to the doctors who have said “nil gynae”. I just hope that if the pill is the solution, that I can get a grip on these mood swings soon.

    29662521_10155321870343456_8635995148957218535_o.jpg
    Hilary – 1, Ovaries – 0 (Ski boots – 2)