Tag: Feminism

  • Review: Hag-Seed – Margaret Atwood

    Review: Hag-Seed – Margaret Atwood

    In October 2017 I was lucky enough to hear Margaret Atwood speak and to get a book signed. While Atwood was finishing off her interview my mum ran off to buy a few books for us to get signed. Since I had already read Oryx and Crake I landed with Hag-Seed, a recent Atwood book that had somehow completely passed me by when it was published. I had never even heard of it and googled it while we queued. It’s a re-telling of Shakespeare’s The Tempest. Groovy, I thought.

    Now I’ve finally read it, I’m so glad this is the book I have signed. I will be recommending it to everyone, Shakespeare and Atwood fans or not. Hag-Seed follows the vengeful Felix (or Mr Duke) as he puts on Shakespearean plays in a local prison, all in the hopes of getting his own back on his former colleagues (now national politicians). The layers in Hag-Seed are intense, especially when you consider the layers of The Tempest. It is essentially a novel of a play of a play of a play. There might even be another few plays in there.

    Not only is it a fascinating contemporary re-imagination of The Tempest, Hag-Seed also provides some provocative observations about criminal justice systems, parental grief and, (obviously, it’s Atwood) gender. Towards the end there’s a moment involving a few puppets, and I couldn’t help but get some Angela Carter’s The Magic Toyshop vibes – I would love to know if that was intentional or not.

    Since reading The Handmaid’s Tale at high school, I have considered myself an Atwood fan, but as I’ve mentioned before I have actually struggled with some of her other books, like Oryx and Crake and Lady Oracle. The easy-nature of Hag-Seed was so refreshing and enjoyable, plus I think it’s amazing how it doesn’t even sound like the voice I usually expect to hear from Atwood. I find it really fascinating how so many diverse voices and stories can come from one writer – I hope that is something I might one day achieve myself.

    Buy Hag-Seed and other books from Wordery by using my affiliate link.

  • “Can I examine you?” #Periodically 18

    “Can I examine you?” #Periodically 18

    Covering all bases here, Happy 2018 #Periodically readers! We left off with me on Mefanamic Acid and iron tablets to help with period pain and heavy bleeding, for more details on that read: #Periodically 17. Today however, I have news, good and bad, a diagnosis and a potential solution, but it’s all rather bitter sweet.

    TW/Disclaimer: I briefly touch upon mental health in this blog and as serious as I consider discussions on mental health to be, I do approach the subject with a little bit of humour. Making light of something isn’t always mockery, sometimes it’s a brilliant coping mechanism and an even better way to banish demons – even those of the vaginal kind. 

    I was going to delve right in and give you the gossip from my gynae appointment last week, but having flicked through my December diary entries, I realise there’s a whole load of crap that needs to come before that, feel free to skip ahead. Warning, moaning ahead.

    Just over a month ago we had some snow here in Essex. It only lasted a day but for about four seconds of this particular snow day, I pulled my twenty-seven year old sister two metres across the garden in a sled. The next morning I woke with an excruciating backache. Back pain is something I’ve dealt with for years, especially when on my period, but this was something else. Assuming it was because of the spontaneous sled pulling, I dosed up on ibuprofen and took it easy. A lot of the pain was intensified to my lower back and got particularly bad at night when I was sitting or lying down, at which point it was accompanied by some delightful shooting, tugging and tearing pains across my pelvic area, front and back.

    After ten days of my moaning being even more annoying for my family than normal, I went to the doctors to check this wasn’t a womb-related pain. The delightful new doctor I had the pleasure of seeing basically laughed at me for expecting the pain to go away so quickly, and when I explained the fact that “hey, I’m in a lot of pain most of the time anyway and this is a bit much and I think I’m going to lose my mind” he did a nice, patronising head tilt and said, “so how long have you had this tummy ache?” Have you ever wanted to flick someone in the face, Rachel and Monica style?giphy (4)

    The pain was quickly accompanied by some intense nausea, which I now believe was caused by the iron tablets. I had some really disturbing nights’ sleep for a while in December, so I stopped taking them for a couple of days and immediately felt better. Since I’ve been back on them it’s been OK, so I think it was just an acclimatisation thing. When the doctor couldn’t do anything for my back my mum insisted I got a sports massage, my first since the good ol’ marathon days. I don’t actually think this helped at all, but it turns out the masseur happened to have endometriosis, PCOS and a one year-old, so it served as an enlightening therapy session, if only emotional. The backache went away while I was on my period curiously enough, it’s back now, but honestly I think I’ve gotten used to it. I am wondering if perhaps it has been caused by the fact I probably carry myself awkwardly because of the pelvic pain and it’s therefore referred elsewhere, but the fact it hasn’t healed like a normal muscle injury does leave me wondering if it is just the next phase of Project Pelvic Pain.

    So I started 2018 with my two favourite things; a period and a visit to the gynaecologist – yahoo, lucky me! Going into the appointment I had two things in mind: a) I hope its a female gynae and b) I think I’m going to come out with a prescription for the pill. Well the gynae was a man so that was an excellent start. I’ve never been bothered about having a male doctor for “intimate” situations, it’s more that in Swansea Dr M asked me what was wrong and then interrupted me every time I spoke – all that resulted in was fruitless surgery and a dodgy belly button. I wanted things to be different this time. Unfortunately, things started the same way. He asked me what my symptoms were and the moment I opened my mouth he just started talking over me and before I knew it he was saying, “so we need to get some hormones in you” and I just said “NO.” Happily, he shut up and listened while I explained that this was no longer just a situation of bad period pain. I told him that the pain and the repercussions of it were creeping in my life in serious and unwelcome ways and he finally said the words I’ve always wanted to hear: “can I examine you?” For avid #Periodically readers, you’ll know this is a momentous moment. Read: Why didn’t the gynae look at my vagina? to see why.

    This was horribly awkward because I was on my period but also because the chaperone, who is there to make me feel comfortable, got waaaay too close while I was changing. But it turns out, the exam was uncomfortable for another reason.

    Reclothed and a little lubey, I sat back down at his desk and he immediately said “OK you have a superficial problem too, it’s not just your internal system”. I didn’t even care what it was at this point, I just wanted to cry about the fact that all it took was a 30 second exam for someone to finally be like “oh yeah, there’s a problem”. He went on to explain that some of my pain, specifically my dyspareunia (pain during sex) is being caused by the uncontrolled clenching of my vagina upon penetration. Yep, I just wrote that #sharingiscaring. This has a name, vaginismus, sexy right? So he starts listing the treatments for vaginismus; “definitely counselling, probably physio and possibly anti-depressants”. I should have been fairly concerned at this point, but instead, my mind immediately went to Charlotte in Sex and the City… 

    I’m not surprised, given the difficulty of pelvic examinations in the past, but I am not exactly comforted by this diagnosis as my dyspareunia is described as deep dyspareunia, meaning the pain I experience is more internal than my vagina, it is “deep”. To me it feels a bit like a chicken or the egg situation. Did I always have vaginismus, or did I get vaginismus because my vagina is like “wow don’t go in there, it’s a mess”. My instinct is the latter, but I guess we’ll find out in therapy! My gynae’s referred solutions have to be arranged by my GP and so it’s probably going to take a while, but this feels like progress, albeit it disheartening, worrying and a little sad.

    The other result of the gynae appointment was that I now have, as predicted, a pill prescription. I expressed all my concerns, and other doctors’ concerns regarding DVT and breast cancer, but the gynae was confident that going on the pill will not only help with my symptoms, but that it has the potential to cure them. We also had a discussion about what pill I am *happy* to go on. It could of course be that if I come off the pill in two years everything will come back, and it could also being that going on the pill will do sod all to help me, but at this point it’s worth a shot. I won’t be starting the pill for a few weeks, so I’ll write a blog soon about my thoughts and feelings about going back on – as you can imagine, there are a lot.

    Sorry this was a long one, but me and my depressed vagina needed some processing time before writing this. There’ll be more, but in the mean time I’m going to go and learn a little more about vaginismus, how I feel about going back on the pill and maybe I’ll even re-read Naomi Wolf’s chapter about the Vagina-Brain connection – I feel like I’m going to need it more than ever.

    How are we feeling about the new #Periodically picture? Yay, nay?

    periodically3

  • Non-Fiction Reads 2017

    Non-Fiction Reads 2017

    Shortly after I made the decision to name this blog Fictitiously Hilary I suddenly became aware that I was in a non-fiction phase. Smart thinking Webb. The phase came to somewhat of a startling halt in the last couple of months where the escapism benefits of fiction have been required. Having said that, non-fiction has still accounted for about a quarter of my 2017 reads – so I think the books in question deserve a blog!

    At present, my non-fiction TBR (to be read) pile does not exist, which is a really nice position to be in going into Christmas and the New Year.  There are several reasons why I’m happy about this, which I’ll explain at the end of this blog, but let’s go through my 2017 Non-Fiction Reads first, shall we?

    IMG_9894

     

    Scrappy Little Nobody – Anna Kendrick

    As I’ve badgered on about before, I have an unexplainable love for actresses’ autobiographies and Scrappy Little Nobody was no exception. I’ve always been a fan of the sarcastic Anna Kendrick and it was nice to have some insight about her extraordinary childhood and remarkably ordinary young-adulthood. Her discussion about revealing magic numbers at the beginning of relationships was a high point for me. My review of SLN can be found here.

    Fifty Shades of Feminism – Lisa Appignanesi, Rachel Holmes & Susue Orbach

    I’ve read a few feminist essay collections and this is definitely one of my favourites. The discussions are intersectional as they cover, like the title suggests, the many shades of feminism that can, do and must exist. I also talk about FSOF here.

    Hunger Makes me a Modern Girl – Carrie Brownstein

    I still think I got this book by accident, thinking it was something else, but it was a happy accident. I really enjoyed Carrie’s life story and the positive messages she takes from it. My review is here.

    Animal – Sara Pascoe – Hilary’s 2017 Non-Fiction Fave

    Gah, I just loved this book. Being able to write about evolutionary and social factors of human sexuality and relationships in a funny, readable and understandable way is a rare talent and Sara Pascoe does it so well. I hope I can write a book like this one day! I mention this in here.

    Doing It – Hannah Witton

    Like I said in my review, I didn’t learn anything new in Doing It but it’s a book I wish I could have had as a teenage girl. If young people had access to a book like this I think they would grow up with a much healthier, sex positive and safe attitude towards sex.

    Girl Up – Laura Bates

    I’ve followed Laura Bates and the Everyday Sexism movement for years and while I did enjoy some parts of Girl Up a lot, like Doing It, I didn’t learn much but would have appreciated having it when I was younger.

    IMG_9887

    Wishful Drinking – Carrie Fisher
    Shockaholic – Carrie Fisher
    The Princess Diarist – Carrie Fisher

    The late great Carrie Fisher dominated the non-fiction reads I took to South America on my Kindle last summer and I couldn’t have taken a better companion. My love of Star Wars and actresses’ autobiographies has nothing to do with why I love Carrie’s writing. It is so unique, so funny and so dark in a really intimate and brave way. Only makes you even sadder that Carrie and Debbie Reynolds are no longer with us. WEEP. (P.S. I saw the Last Jedi last week and, unsurprisingly, Carrie was amazing).

    Curious Pursuits – Margaret Atwood

    I bought this book years ago and only read the couple of chapters relevant to my coursework but I finally got around to reading it cover to cover this year… and I didn’t quite make it cover to cover. The first two thirds of the book I loved, but the last one I skimmed through the essays and articles I found the most interesting. It’s weird, with Atwood’s stuff I’m either totally bowed over and in love or a little “meh”. Hearing her talk at New Scientist Live this year was a definite highlight though!

     

    Radical Hope – Letters of Love and Dissent in Dagnerous TImes – Carolina de Robertis

    I read this as I was recovering from the disappointing laparoscopy in August and it was really nice to distract myself from the horrors of my uterus to the horrors of Trump, mostly because the letters in the book are written with such a profound sense of hope that thing’s will be OK, good even. If you want your faith in humanity restored, this is the one.

    Where Am I Now? – Mara Wilson

    Here we go again with another actress’ autobiography… except Mara Wilson is so much more than just the girl who played Matilda. This book is testament to her talent as a comic and a writer. Really enjoyed it. She is also ace on Twitter if you weren’t aware.

    Sweetening the Pill – Holly Grigg-Spall

    I wrote a blog discussing my mixed reaction to this book. While at the time it really motivated me and made me realise that I don’t have to feel guilty for not liking the pill anymore, I do think it’s important to be sceptical about this subject – to ask more questions. It’s hugely sensitive and it would be foolish to write-off the huge benefits hormonal contraception has offered the world, but equally foolish to accept that it’s the best we can do.

    Sex at Dawn – Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá

    I was so excited for this book – science in action, learning about human sexuality and the flaws with it, but I was actually really disappointed. Like I said with Animal making these topics understandable and enjoyable is a hard task, one that I’m not sure this book achieves. However, I did enjoy the evolutionary observations between humans and bonobos when it comes to sex and relationships.

    The Female Eunuch – Germaine Greer

    As I’m sure you can tell by this point, my non-fiction hype had really distinguished and The Female Eunuch didn’t help. I was, again, really excited to read this, as I’d been promised a book that had awoken a generation of women to the feminist cause. I wish I had read it a few years earlier because so many of the ideas seemed a bit samey, which is obviously because the book, and Greer herself, inspired much of what has been written since. Yet the stuff since has developed, and those developments are vital.

    Unfinished Business – Anne-Marie Slaughter

    I really didn’t like this book at first. Slaughter repeatedly addresses the privileged point she is writing from but then continues to write from it and some of the issues discussed seem a little trivial because of that perspective. However, later on in the book she makes a few interesting points about art creation and human creation, flexible work and freelancing, which was actually kind of insightful. But I still wish I had a pound for every time she writes “my Atlantic article”…

    My early frustrations with this last read further irritated my feelings towards all the non-fiction I’ve read this year. What’s my problem with it? For the most part, it’s all really white and fairly heteronormative. I think it’s understandable to write from your perspective, but to only read from that same perspective is small-minded and, quite frankly, boring. So in 2018 I hope my non-fiction reads will be more intersectional in every way possible – we can’t change the world if we don’t escape our own little bubble, can we? Recommendations for 2018 are greatly appreciated!

    Let me know what you think by sharing, commenting, or getting in touch on Twitter or Instagram!