Tag: Contraception

  • New hope: I got a coil #Periodically 34

    New hope: I got a coil #Periodically 34

    See, I told you I wasn’t abandoning the #Periodically blogs for Pleasure Moans. I’m back here because despite the pill, the endometriosis diagnosis and pelvic physio my pain is still interrupting my daily life and even recently made me pass out while watching a performance of Henry IV Part One, so I desperately need a more long-term, semi-permanent solution, or at least an attempt at a solution, that doesn’t immediately involve more surgery. So, I’ve had a Mirena coil/IUS installed in my uterus.

    Image result for mirena coil gif

    I’ve spent a lot of time on the #Periodically blogs discussing my complicated feelings towards hormonal contraception – the broader culture of those discussions is actually the subject of my masters dissertation. Even though the process from second surgery to coil insertion was pretty quick (about three months), it was not a decision I took lightly. Yet my feelings remain much the same as when I wrote about going back on the pill, in that I am deliberately trying to mess with my cycle to improve my pain.

    Anyway. Before the surgery I was already coming around to the idea of having a Mirena coil fitted in the event that endometriosis was found. A Mirena coil is an intrauterine system (IUS) that sits at the bottom of the womb – it has two strings that pass through the cervix so you can check it is still in place. Mirena releases an artificial progesterone, Levonorgestrel, to thicken cervical mucus to slow sperm down, to (sometimes) stop ovulation and most importantly for me, it thins the lining of the womb. It lasts for five years. It’s used to help people with endometriosis because by thinning the lining of the womb, and potentially stopping periods altogether, it stops those patches of missed-placed endometrium-like tissue from building up and causing trouble. It’s not a cure, but the hope is that by stopping my periods for a few years then it might turn endo off for a little while too.

    This is a big deal for me. I’ve spoken in great detail about how, despite everything, I’m actually quite fond of periods, but I’ve weighed all the pros and cons and the Mirena coil still seemed like the best idea for now (plus let’s be honest, my body probably won’t actually do as it’s told and stop bleeding). My gynaecologist told me to expect six months of sporadic bleeding and pain, but a six month blip of increased pain for potentially four and a half years of relief seems like a reasonable (hmm) trade off. Both my gynae and my GP encouraged me to stay on the pill for the first two months of the coil to try and make the transition a bit smoother. I was pretty resistant to this idea, not wanting to make my skin or mood any worse by increasing my progesterone dosage, but after talking to people who did so successfully I’ve followed their advice.

    Once I made the decision, however, I had to acknowledge the fact that fitting it was not going to be easy. Ideally it would have been fitted while I was under for the laparoscopy in April, but because my surgeon was so convinced it wasn’t going to be endo he didn’t do the consent form for it. When I saw him for my post-op he thought it possible I might have to be put unconscious in order to fit it. I desperately wanted to avoid another general anaesthetic so soon after the last, but evidently a pelvic floor dysfunction that makes any kind of vaginal penetration incredibly painful and/or impossible, meant it was on the cards.

    The doctor in charge of IUS insertion at my local surgery was a new doctor to me, which made me a little wary but thankfully she was lovely. I explained my experience with painful (and frankly unsuccessful) pelvic examinations and sex and my motivations for getting a coil in the first place. She was super understanding and came up with an action plan: I would take some diazepam an hour before the insertion to try and relax my pelvic floor. If my body was still uncooperative she would not force the issue. I was to take the day off and have someone accompany me to and from the appointment.

    Well, as the beginning of this blog gives away, the coil was fitted but it was twice as complicated and a hell of a lot more painful that I expected it to be. The doctor decided to use an anaesthetic gel, but that didn’t seem to provide much relief. Both she and the nurse were really supportive throughout but honestly it was a little traumatic. Even though it all happened quickly, we had to try various different tactics, positions and speculums. I wish I could say it was fine and just a little uncomfortable but it was a 10/10 for pain, which felt something akin to my cervix being stapled. It seemed like I might vomit and/or pass out and so I was given some water and told to take my time. Thankfully this pain didn’t last long but it was immediately replaced by hot, heavy cramping. Excellent!

    A man clearly made up the post-coil insertion rules because while tampons were off the cards, sex was not, apparently. The doctor advised me to use condoms for a week, at which point I reminded her of what had just happened and why – sex is not on my radar at the moment.

    It’s been about 10 days since the insertion and the pain is still very intense. Weirdly, it’s mostly been awful period cramps all morning every morning, resulting in copious amounts of ibuprofen and co-codamol and many hot water bottles, but in the afternoon it settles and I’m more-or-less OK. The last few days have also involved some excruciating vaginal pain, so that’s new. I have hardly bled since, but I’m expecting that to hit when I come off the pill in a few weeks. As much as I’m hoping the transition period might be shorter than six months, I’m not holding my breath.

    I am excited though. Mostly at the prospect of long-term relief in the future but also at the possibility that coming off the pill might mean my acne improves. The hormones in the Mirena are localised to the pelvic area, meaning there’s a chance it won’t affect my skin in the same way a systemic approach like the pill does. I’m trying not to get my hopes up about this silver lining but honestly when I think about it I squeal with excitement.

    Since it was so painful I didn’t want to throw yet another horror story out into the world, but a few people have asked for details so there we go. I think the fact I had it fitted during a particularly lengthy flare-up was both a blessing and curse. Already being in pain meant I was motivated for relief and so I didn’t chicken out but it also means I haven’t had a break from pain in weeks which is exhausting and definitely messes with your head. Nevertheless, I’m trying to keep in mind something I wrote in my diary a few hours after it was inserted, especially as my birthday approaches. I wrote, ‘with the coil comes new hope. Hope that 24 will see me make up for time lost at 22 and 23’. It’s a bit Star Wars but still, I’ll drink to that.

  • The pill & my face #Periodically 31

    The pill & my face #Periodically 31

    Here’s a blog I didn’t want to write but that’s been itching to get out for a couple of months. It’s about a problem I didn’t realise the extent of until the worst had passed, so keep in mind that this story has a slightly happier ending than most of my blogs!

    A Skin Thing

    I have never had particularly ‘good’ skin — that is to say since puberty I have always had some acne. But it was completely synced to my menstrual cycle and, while annoying, it was totally manageable. The only time it got a little out of hand was around exam periods, which was always perfect considering exams are nearly always rounded off with a prom or a summer ball. But that was as bad as it got. When I was on the pill in the past I noticed changes but never anything drastic, other than that it was much better when I finally came off all hormonal birth control in 2015, by which point I was 20 and thought maybe I was just beginning to grow out of it.

    When I went back on the combined pill in February of this year I was prepared for a little skin turbulence. I knew that while things were settling it was likely to get worse, but I also knew that the general rule preached by my doctors and countless anecdotal stories was that my acne was likely to improve on the pill. At the time, it felt like the only silver lining of selling my pill-free self to the hormone gods.

    What I didn’t expect was that when things did eventually settle on the pill that my face would be taken hostage by what my doctors were by now calling “adult acne.” Oh good, not only am I spotty but I’m also out of the designated spotty age bracket!

    skin3

    The irony is that I took the “before” shot thinking “my skin is going to get so much better!” A classic case of you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone… 

    My GP immediately said, “that’s unusual, it usually gets better,” and my gynae said, “that shouldn’t happen.” We literally watched my face get worse and worse the longer I took the pill — it was like an accumulative allergic reaction. This was the only visual sign I had of my “improving” health, which didn’t make things feel all that improved — shocker! “If it’s not supposed to do this then surely it’s a sign that there is some kind of hormonal imbalance in my body?” I asked my doctors. They both agreed but said there was no point investigating it because “we know so little about hormones that even if an endocrinologist did spot an anomaly we wouldn’t know what to do with that data.” Which, while completely true, didn’t make me feel much better.

    Remember how a few months ago I said, “it’s a bummer but acne is something I am well-used to dealing with, and I’ll take it over pain any day“? I don’t necessarily take that back, but when your pain hardly improves and your acne just descends into total chaos it’s hard to take it on the chin (very literally). To add insult to injury, the blistering hot summer we just had meant that 30 million freckles also descended on my face (regardless of how much SPF I put on). I just felt and looked like a bit of a mess. No wonder I started taking Bookstagram so seriously, I was hardly likely to be posting summer selfies. In fact, I now realise that I was cutting my face out of Bookstagrams to hide the acne, case and point:

     

    (Remember kids, Instagram is a web of lies!)

    Funnily enough, this did not help my mood, which was already being tormented by raging mood swings and rampant PMS. I’m pretty good at hiding acne with makeup but it was so painful that I didn’t want to touch it. I like to think of myself as pretty skin-positive (I love everything Em Ford does for the movement!) but I really avoided leaving the house or wearing makeup unless I absolutely had to. Dyspareunia and vaginismus aren’t exactly conditions that make one feel particularly sexy, throw some angry acne into the mix and it understandable results in a slight crisis of confidence.

    However, I’m not beating myself up about that too much. I did eventually think, “stuff it, I don’t have to look at my face when I’m out, that’s the rest of the world’s problem.” But it’s not great when you do finally leave the house, spots-and-all, and are then bombarded with well-meaning people telling you to “drink more water” or “try this horrifically expensive product.” And when you dare say that you chug water by the gallon or that you can’t afford this particular product then somehow it becomes your own fault — you’re not trying hard enough and therefore you want your skin to be bad… Um, sod off?

    There’s no doubt in my mind that there are dietary changes and some products that genuinely help some kinds of acne. Hell, I’ve tried lots of them, but given how quickly and aggressively this came on it felt so obvious to me, and my doctors, that it was hormonal. Personally, changes to my diet have never made a difference to my skin, but I think acne is nearly always a case-by-case, individual issue and unsolicited advice about it, for me at least, is always unwanted.

    A little bit of this and a little bit of that…

    As promised this story has a happy-ish ending. My GP and gynae both suggested that the pill was more likely to reduce my pain if I skipped periods. This meant I would take two or three pill packets back-to-back without a withdrawal bleed. When I eventually gave it a try my mood improved in a matter of days and everything else followed. I had no idea it would make such a big difference but it really did. Around this time I also started using prescribed Adapalene gel and taking Evening Primrose Oil. Whether it’s one of these treatments or a combination of all three, the last two+ months have seen a drastic improvement in my acne, mood and (fanfare please) pain! (Typically, three days after I penned this blog things got a little worse again, but overall things are definitely better!)

    skin7

    What now?

    It’s getting better as the scarring goes down and the further away I am from my last withdrawal bleed the better my skin is, but considering going on the pill was a last-resort solution for my pain, this skin journey doesn’t exactly feel like a triumph. The last few months have mostly been about treating problems that the pill caused. As mentioned, I have finally noticed an improvement in my pelvic pain but I would be lying if I said I don’t worry about what happens to that progress if and when I have sex or come off the pill. Long-term readers won’t be surprised to hear that staying on the pill for the rest of my ‘reproductive life’ isn’t my plan of choice.

    Why didn’t I want to write this blog? Because I didn’t want to start moaning about something else. So many of my friends have struggled with their skin for years, dealing with Roaccutane and its complications. Eight months of bad skin hardly feels worth complaining about in that respect. But I had no idea that the pill could have this effect — so that’s something I’m keen to share and leaving it out of these blogs felt a little dishonest.

    Love the skin you’re in, unless it bloody well hurts, in which case: seek medical intervention… Thanks for reading! 

  • A Period of Change #Periodically 21

    A Period of Change #Periodically 21

    Right first of all, some truths, disclaimers, apologies etc. Since I started the pilland I don’t know if it’s because of the pill or whether it’s just a coincidence, but I have really struggled to start new writing projects. Ongoing projects have been fine, but creatively, coming up with new ideas and starting new sentences has been a challenge. So while it’s been a hot minute (5 weeks) since I started the pill, I’m only now writing about it for the first time.

    It has been a total ride, hell, it still is. From temper tantrums to bowel-crises, emergency gynaecology appointments to jaw aches – the last five weeks have had it all. For today though, I’m just going to focus on the first pill pack and how that was. As many will know, when you go on or off a hormonal contraceptive, or any hormonal treatment, things can get weird for your mind and body. I knew it was coming, but unfortunately that didn’t make it any easier. Knowing it was going to be a period of change for potentially unpleasant reasons, I decided to add some *nicer* changes too, so I bought a new menstrual cup from Me Luna (which I love and will talk about in more disgusting detail another time) and readied my period pants sent to me by Thinx.

    The first pill pack

    When you start a combined contraceptive pill it’s recommended that you take the first pill on the first day of your period. This immediately means your cycle will be shorter that ‘month’ because your withdrawal bleed from the pill will come in three weeks from your last period, not four. I did as followed, of course, and was immediately confused. Despite all the signals my body had been giving me that I was about to have a particularly bad period, nothing really happened. My period had started but not really. At this point I thought two things: 1) woah does it really work so fast – this is kind of great! and 2) but what if the lining of my womb that had built up to shed now never sheds – where’s it going to go?! So as you can see, I was thinking really clearly.

    Going into it I was determined to have an open mind and not to be paranoid about every tiny little symptom I experienced – yeah, surprise to no one, that lasted about 23 hours when I got a migrainesque headache, the first I’ve had since, well, what do you know, the last time I was on the combined pill! “Keep an open mind, keep an open mind,” I said through gritted teeth as I took the second pill. In the morning, on day three, I was actually relieved to discover that my period had properly started. I was in pain, felt a little nauseous, but I always feel slightly relieved when that happens (for like five minutes, don’t get me wrong) – it’s the fifth vital sign and all that.

    And then Tuesday came. I remember that it was a Tuesday very vividly because every week that’s passed since I’ve noted, “it’s been X weeks since that Tuesday. I survived – I can survive anything.” Fuck me – this is why I haven’t written this blog yet because I am trying really hard to block that day from my mind, but in the name of documentation I will relive the experience. In fact this is the furthest I’ve got writing this story so far (deep breaths). It was, to be frank, the most pain I have ever been in in my life. I was expecting things to get worse before they got better, but I also didn’t know that there was so much more pain yet to be achieved by my period. I was woken up by a regular period pain that just continued to get worse and worse and worse throughout the morning. Painkillers did nothing, moving did nothing, lying still did nothing, hot water bottles did a little but I’m fairly sure I burnt the skin on my belly from using them too much. It eased off at lunch and then returned in the afternoon. Honestly, I feel pretty traumatised by it, even now. I was at a point where I was googling “is it totally ridiculous to go to A&E for period cramps?” and I might’ve even convinced someone to drive me there if I hadn’t been home alone. There was vomit and tears, Bridget Jones and chocolate (usually pre-menstrual treats, not menstrual coping distractions). At the end of that fateful Tuesday I remember feeling as though my body had gone into shock. In hindsight now I’m like, “alright drama queen *eyeroll*” but I am also aware that it was really fucking scary and that I never ever ever want it to happen again to me nor anyone else.

     

    Needless to say, this wasn’t an excellent introduction to life back on the pill. I tried, am trying, really hard not to blame the pill but there’s only so much I can do to stop my brain making the connection between horrible, horrible pain and a drug designed to mess with the affected organs. Like I said, now I’d survived that, I could survive anything. Or so I thought until I realised that THIS PERIOD WAS NEVER GOING TO END. Twenty-two days. I bled, for twenty-two days straight. I know they say to expect “unusual bleeding” when you start the pill but come the fuck on. I decided it probably wasn’t too healthy to wear a menstrual cup for three weeks straight and while I tried my Thinx pants (jury’s still out) I only had one pair, and so I had the delight of wearing sanitary pads for three fucking weeks. Sorry for the profanity but TWENTY-FUCKING-TWO DAYS.

    I was also consistently plagued by a few charming new symptoms during this time. One change that I was not particularly excited about was a change in my breasts, which happened quickly and painfully – I’m talking stretch marks on my tits after just five days. Thankfully they seem to have resettled and calmed down now (hopefully!) The other symptoms have namely been: headaches, migraines, an unexpected jaw ache presumably caused by my habit of stress jaw-grinding, growing pains in my legs (please don’t say I’m still getting taller), the mood swings of a 14 year-old, a generally gloomy demeanour and unexpected creative block. The last three have irritated me the most. Not being able to write, whether caused by the pill or not, has just been incredibly frustrating. The way I would describe it is that it feels like someone is sitting on my head and that I can’t look up to see what’s going on. I’m hoping – by the fact that I’ve finally written this blog, that the person on my head has buggered off, but I will be honest and say that I am not feel overwhelmingly positive about the pill so far.

    Back to the twenty-two day period, if you’re good at period maths, it means that I didn’t actually come off my period until I had finished the first pack of the pill. So again, it was hard not to let my brain process the obvious fact that pill = extension of the world’s worst and longest period. True to form I came on my next bleed two days later but that, and the story of the emergency gynae trip, is a story for another blog.

    Enjoy #Periodically? Read the last update here, or check out my review of Natural Cycles here.