Author: Hilary Webb

  • Conversations with others that shouldn’t have happened #Periodically 5

    Conversations with others that shouldn’t have happened #Periodically 5

    In my last blog, I talked about conversations with my doctors that I’m not convinced were fair. Today, I want to talk about conversations I’ve had with my nearest and dearest. They are an incredibly supportive bunch, but a few things that have been said to me over the last year really demonstrate how entrenched our dismissal of female reproductive issues, particularly for those not trying to conceive, are in our day-to-day lives and the language we use.

    “Sex isn’t meant to be good all the time, Hilary”

    Why the hell not? A friend of mine is determined that the two of us ought to champion the cause of making good sex a human right. Anyone, anywhere in the world should have the opportunity to practice safe, legal and consensual sex and for it to be good, if you ask me. Besides if it’s not meant to be good, why do it? And don’t say reproduction, while it is obviously a factor there is clearly a whole lot more to sex that the desire to produce offspring alone.

    “Have you tried not having sex?”

    Not. The. Point. Sex is important, I know it’s not everything, but it is important.

    “Shut up, everyone’s periods hurt”

    If we can put humans on the moon, harvest energy from the sun and transplant organs, why the hell can’t we find a practical treatment for period pain? For most people who have periods the pain is either manageable or easily calmed with painkillers, but we can’t keep ignoring those whose pain is interrupting their daily lives.

    “Have you tried anal?”

    Ah, the question that I’ve been asked the most and that makes me laugh more than any of the others. While I’m sure it’s a viable option, for me, it’s not the point. Symptoms like those I’ve been experiencing are red flags that my fertility is a little compromised, and even though I have no desire to start popping out sprogs any time soon, I’d like know what’s coming and whether or not I can fully restore my uterine health. Plus, my trend of constipation after sex leads me to think that anal sex might not be any more comfortable for me than vaginal…

    I have a few more of these, let me know if you want to hear them! 

  • Conversations with doctors that shouldn’t have happened #Periodically 4

    Conversations with doctors that shouldn’t have happened #Periodically 4

    I have been very lucky with the doctor who’s been helping me sort my uterus out in Swansea, and it’s a little daunting that whatever happens now I’m going to have to figure it all out without Dr H now I’m back in Essex. Regardless, there are a couple of conversations that have happened with both Dr H, my GP, and Dr M, my gynaecologist, that I’m not sure are entirely fair. Disclaimer: I will be paraphrasing for comedic effect here, unless you want my full um-ing and ah-ing while I tried not to rage cry at them…

    A lot of the reasons I feel the conversations are inappropriate is because I don’t think they would have happened at all if I was a man. If I was a man enduring horrible pain during sex, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be told to ‘keep trying other positions,’ ‘take ibuprofen before sex’ or pump my body full of hormones that also directly impact my sex drive. The truth is there would likely be a solution, simply because while men were figuring out how to fix their penises, for a long time research into female sexuality was often limited to hysteria, ‘wandering womb’ and childbirth. That said, the uterverse is a lot more complicated that the male reproductive system and so our understanding of it was always going to take a bit longer.

     

    “Yes, but if it didn’t hurt on the pill, then you should go back on”

    I’ve had a troublesome past with the contraceptive pill, both the combined and mini. So when Dr M asked ‘did sex hurt when you were on the pill’ and I said no, he said, ‘ah well there’s the solution then’. I calmly pointed out that things also weren’t bad before I was on the pill. The plan he was suggesting sounded to me like a mask solution, and that any serious problems I was dealing with would return if I ever came off the pill to, say, reproduce. I would prefer to deal with this situation now, rather than ten years down the road when it’s too late to be a surrogate for my sister because of a defunct uterus.

    “What would you say if all I can offer you is either no libido or painful sex?”

    The mini pill destroyed my sex drive. Physically and psychologically there was no ‘desire’ (read moisture) for sex. So when Dr M put this ultimatum before me I was a bit lost for words. Are these really the only options I have? Not wanting to have sex but possibly being able to, or wanting to have sex but not being able to? Pretty slim pickings if you ask me. It makes one ask, when will female sexual pleasure begin to be as important as male sexual pleasure?

    Me: “I actually ended a relationship because of this” Dr H: “OMG well we’ll expedite your appointment then”

    After several months of waiting for a gynae appointment and with things getting progressively worse, I visited Dr H and explained. She said there was nothing she could do until I’d seen the gynae. She asked how I was doing otherwise and I mentioned how honestly ‘it was making life a bit shit’. I subtly mentioned that I had ended a relationship because of it and suddenly, as if this was a new sign of the severity of my situation, she was able to write a letter and expedite my appointment, as well as book me in for an ultrasound. I received my gynae letter two days later and had a scan within a fortnight. Call me picky, but I kind of wanted my doctors help for me and my body, not for my love life.

  • Subtle signs that my repro health ain’t healthy #Periodically 3

    Subtle signs that my repro health ain’t healthy #Periodically 3

    Thanks to the wonders of modern technology, specifically the app Clue, I have every cycle that I’ve had in the last three and a half years tracked with excessive detail. But hang on, the maths doesn’t quite add up… three years is 42 months… and I’ve only had 18 cycles… right well there’s warning sign number one – irregular periods. Throughout this blog I’ll illustrate a couple of points with information from my Clue which is almost definitely a gross overshare but hey, here we go.

    Remarkably, my quest for treatment began during the last year where I have, for the first time ever, had a natural and regular cycle. But, with my period finally having regulated to a monthly cycle, it made all the symptoms I had been experiencing over a long period of time, condense into a month. Highlighting their severity and increasing their impact.

    Acne is the most obvious, but my sisters and my mother have/had normal cycles and acne long into adulthood. It was only once I became very aware of horrible chin acne during the same point in every cycle that I noticed it was, at least, hormonal acne.

    Painful and heavy periods have gone hand in hand since menarche (my first period). The more pain I’m in then the heavier I tend to be bleeding. This, has over the years, often resulted in at least two days of doubling up tampons with sanitary pads, frequent changes and dozens of destroyed pyjamas and bedsheets… (I’m still waiting for that TMI filter to kick in). This has become easier to manage with a menstrual cup, if only it could cure the pain too – so far, only ibuprofen can do that. One thing that put me off seeking advice was that I was ‘running’ a lot and irregular periods and even amenorrhea (disappearance of periods) can be caused by frequent exercise, especially running. However, when I say ‘run’ I mean a light jog that usually turns into a long walk and I think it is highly unlikely that my shoddy exercise habits had anything to do with anything. Here you can see how my cramps and painkiller use have increased over time.

    Ovulation pain is something I’ve only experienced during the last ten months or so, but while it seems to be somewhere in the vicinity of my ovaries it isn’t as strict time wise. It now is a pain I experience three out of four weeks of my cycle, particularly when I step on my right leg.

    IMG_5556
    An indication that my ovulatory pain must be something more sinister was that I couldn’t be ovulating this often…

    Random cramping, leg pain and fatigue are a few new dramas to deal with three out of four weeks of my cycle, particularly if I run. The leg pain is particularly strange as it is a bit like growing pains but in my upper thighs. Over the last four months in particular, lethargy has begun to accompany pain – though whether I’m tired because I’m in pain or whether the fatigue is coming from somewhere else, I do not know. I am a pretty lethargic person anyway so it’s taken a big move in my energy levels for me to notice.

    Back pain is something I’ve dealt with since I was about eleven and I actually think might have been the earliest sign. I remember my mum taking me to the doctors and chiropractors to try and ease this dull achey pain in my lower back, particularly when standing for a long time, but nothing ever worked. When I started my period four years later, it was weird to find that this pain that had plagued me for so long, was now part of my period pain every ‘month’.

    There are a few other things, some that I’ve discussed in my last blog like pain during sex and constipation before my period and after sex, and some that I’ve only experienced rarely or recently like occasional bleeding during/after sex and spotting. 

    Thanks for sticking with #Periodically thus far. I’m excited, now that I’ve got all the depressing symptoms and nitty gritty details out of the way, I can really delve in and write about what happens now and why more attention needs to be paid to reproductive and sexual health.